I have been referring to USU's parochial neighbor to the South by "y"
{lowercase and lack of definite article intentional} for years. On the USU
site, many have been refusing even to list that much when referring to our
second-oldest rival. I propose now a number rather than a letter or a blank
when referring to the parochial institution. That number is "7." There are
two reasons for this:
1. The athletic conference to which 7 belongs is peopled by 7 and 7 others,
all of which are hangers-on, bound to do the bidding of 7 in all that 7
demands of the 7 others.
2. There were, historically, 7 deadly sins -- pride, greed, lust, envy,
gluttony, anger, and sloth --- all of which 7 is guilty of -- in spades. 7,
its administrators, supporters and students, are all guilty of all 7. May I
elaborate?
a. Pride. Both the institution, supporters and students of 7 are guilty of
this first, and therefore worst, of all the 7 sins of 7. It is this sin that
brought down Coriolanus, blinded the King of Thebes, and led to the de facto
and de jure head of 7 to declare its supporters and students to be arrogant.
This arrogance has led to 7's undisputed reputation as the most hated
institution of [alleged] higher learning in the US.
b. Greed. By the admission of its administration, its supporters, its
students, and toadyish sportswriters, it is Greed for more consumer dollars
and Greed for more broadcast advertising dollars that have been the basis for
all conference membership and scheduling decisions by 7 since about 1961.
c. Lust. Lust can be defined as an uncontrolled and uncontrollable passion
for that which satisfies the basest of desires. It is hardly to be
distinguished from Greed on the institutional level, but from the standpoint
of 7's supporters and students, Lust is that desire which leads the
supporters and students to live and die by the fortunes of 7 on the field of
athletic endeavor. They are defined by that Lust, which leads to their
arrogance and Pride when that Lust is satisfied, and despair when the
on-the-field product is unsuccessful.
d. Envy. It was Envy of the academics and athletic achievements of the
state institutions in Utah that led the low-level Church bureaucrats, who
happened to be graduates of 7, to push 7 as a necessary expression of the
Church's interests in the 60s through the present day. That Envy led to
expansion of the numbers of students at 7, a comprehensive coopting of the
Church's seminary system as a recruiting organization for 7, and the use of
donated funds from the general coffers to build facilities and fund programs
to try to "keep up with" and later "surpass" [as they believe] the state
institutions. Envy of nationally regarded programs, especially on the Left
Coast of the US, is daily made manifest in the complaints of 7's noninclusion
in the BCS.
e. Gluttony. Not only does 7 not wish to share its fairly recent successes
with its oldest rivals [calls for expulsion of Wyoming and others from the
MWC and the continued noninclusion of Utah State in the MWC are a daily
occurrence amongs 7's faithful], it does not even want any other institution
of higher learning to be granted props for what it does well. Thus does 7
express its disgust at having to have home-and-home schedules with its 7
conference partners + USU, complain about having not enough of the take of
broadcast revenues, and express flabbergastedness that any other institution
could have any program that could be mentioned in the same sentence as, not
to mention be equal to or superior to, 7's academic programs. Moreover, 7's
policies have been steadfastly to take such actions as would destroy any
athletic conference that might compete for consumer and broadcast revenue
dollars.
f. Anger. Just mention any of the above to a fan, supporter or
administrator of 7, and stand back. Their anger, arising out of their true
deep-down belief in their inferiority, especially when they are reminded of
7's true place in the grand scheme of things, can be volcanic. Mercurial was
their president in the 60s who oversaw 7's coopting of the Church. Just
plain bitchy is the 7 fan of today.
g. Sloth. OK. You've got me here. They are many things which have little
to recommend them, but you've got to admire the lack of sloth in 7.