Expansion Talk Abound: USU to PAC 10 or MWC?

It seems as though maybe both the PAC 10 and the MWC are now haggling over who gets the Aggies? It may not be true however:

Los Angeles (UPI): In a move that shocked the college football world, the PAC10 presidents announced this morning that the league would expand to twelve teams. For years it was no secret that the P10 was courting Colorado and Texas of the Big 12, but had been rebuffed.

League presidents voted to add Utah State and Idaho as the 11th and 12th members of the West Coast league. "I always felt bad about how Idaho was forced out back in the 50s," said Stuart Smiley, the Washington State athletic director.

"This gives us two outstanding research institutions and a foothold in the greenbelt," was Bolshi T'varich's response in Berkeley to this reporter's inquiry.

"Utah State's always been my favorite school, ever since I stole a game from 'em back in '70," said Mike Bibby, USC's head men's basketball coach.

In related news, the suicide rates in certain western cities has reached astonishing highs in the wake of the announcement. Provo, Utah, has just overtaken Boazy as the nation's suicide capital.

Other News - Mountain West Inivte Comes?

In a copywrited story by the BYU student newspaper, "Yearly Universe", Craig Thompson, Commisssioner of the Mountain West Conference announced today that Utah State had been accepted as the newest member of the MWC, puting on hold for now talks with either Hawaii or Fresno State. Thompson was asked why USU was added now, after years of disapointment. Thompson said, "we just felt like their locale, their records with our member institutions and their excellent academic and athletic programs couldnot be overlooked any longer and we see this as a strengthening of all the programs in the Mountain time zone." USU will begin conference play in 2004 although it is expected that MWC teams will immediately begin to clear their schedules in order to ease USU into conference play. Utah State's bull milking team was immediately scheduled by BYU who has been sucking hind teat in that area for several years now and is looking to upgrade their team in the BS area. Coached by an individual loacally known only as "the Capn", they also announced that mustache sitting would be pushed as the next coed sport to be added as a championship sport by the MWC. Confirmation from Commissioner Thompson has not been verified as of this paper's deadlines.

In a related story by the Deserted(c) News, the death of Chris Hill, Athletic director at the U of U was announced by Salt Lake Police Chief Rick Dense. He explained that upon hearing of the Mountain West decision to include the Aggies into that Conference over the wishes of the University of Utah, that Hill went to the Wells Fargo Building on Main Street in Utah's capital city, went to the 26th floor and jumped from the arboretum's deck screaming, "over my dead bodeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eee........................" Apparently his wish was granted.

Rick Majerus was immediately appointed interim athletic director. His first move upon taking office was to increase the funds alotted to the Athletic department for Pizza and cookies allocated for late night film sessions, saying that a happy coach and focused players was the key to Utah's success. Additionally, an overhaul of his sweater wardrobe and the addition of two additional maids will be discussed in an upcoming meeting.

rolling