Hey, Gang. Been awhile hasn’t it?
All you Knute followers out there (both of you, thanks Mom, thanks honey) know that I run a regular column during football season and then pop up from time to time the other 7 or 8 months a year when I have something to say.
Well, I have plenty to say today and it’s going to spew forth like last night’s Taco Bell in a stream of consciousness (allegedly) that I like to call “Knute’s Ramblings and Ruminations.” Keep your arms and legs inside at all times, hang on and have fun.
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Back in October, I ran a column with a blurb on my take of the upcoming Jazz season (UStateAgs.com: Kurse of the Lombardi) and my reservations. Aw, hell. Let’s save you a click and just show you what I wrote:
“This isn't football related nor is it an "official" TOCB prediction, but does anyone else feel a little uneasy about the upcoming Jazz season? Low expectations and high performance last year got everyone on the bandwagon and now they finally made some moves in the off-season that involved players without debilitating injuries and/or advanced age. Everyone is stoked! Fifty-plus wins is guaranteed! Power rankings have the local boys in the top 10!! But I smell disappointment. This team's median age is barely older than a Jr. Jazz team and it takes time for new guys to gel. Therefore, folks at the Lombardi house are eyeing the upcoming season with some trepidation. If the Jazz struggle a bit this year, remember you heard it here.”
Guess they’ve struggled more than a bit eh? Nineteen years of avoiding the injury bug went by the wayside in a big way this year. The injury bug returned and Salt Lake hasn’t seen an infestation like this since the pioneers had that little skirmish with the crickets. At this point, some would prefer that some freakishly large seagulls would appear and devour the entire Jazz team.
Now we will see what the Jazz front office is made of. For 19 years they enjoyed stability and 2 of the greatest players of all time. A cynic would say that this organization has only made 5 solid moves in the last 2 decades:
1. Drafting Stockton
2. Drafting Malone – That was thanks, in part, to the idiocy of the Mavericks and their infatuation with Detlef Schrempf.
3. Hiring Jerry Sloan – This year aside, I think he is one of the all-time greats.
4. Trading Jeff Malone for Jeff Hornacek – I covered his first game as a Jazzman and after talking to him in the locker room, you just knew he was a perfect fit in all aspects.
5. Finding Andrei Kirilenko – He’s a special player but this was a double edged sword. He was 5 years too late, imagine having him as the small forward against the Bulls instead of BRuss, and he’s a Scottie Pippen. I don’t think he’ll ever be THE guy, but if he gets his “Jordan” he’ll be elevated to Pippen-esque status. Also, after their stroke of luck with the Russian, the Jazz thought they knew how to evaluate Euros. Ummmm…
That’s it. Five moves in 20 years. Name me another difference making move. Hurry. Drafting Thurl Bailey? Nope. Signing Boozer and Okur? Jury is still out.
Some see this as karma for forcing Malone out the door. In case you hadn’t heard, Malone himself confirmed what some were whispering. There no longer was any room on the Jazz for their greatest player ever. There were all sorts of ad campaigns to come see the new Jazz after Malone left with giddy proclamations of “I can’t wait” and such. It rubbed some the wrong way to turn on the radio and hear Dan Roberts bellowing: “The Deadwood is gone so now the Jazz can really fly!! Come down to the Delta Center and watch a lot of young guys run around without an old guy in sight! Russians! Puerto Ricans! Turks! Oh my! And not a bald old guy or tight shorts in the house! Now the Jazz can really be good!”
So the Jazz went Euro and got what they paid for. Soft guys who want to shoot jumpers. And when they drafted, they took projects and damaged goods. At this rate Jazz fans better not get too excited about their high draft pick. I can just see it now:
David Stern: “With the 3rd pick in the 2005 NBA draft, the Utah Jazz select…Lieutenant Dan from the Forrest Gump film.”
TBS Studio Crew: “Wha…?” Barkley passes out from laughing so hard.
Kevin O’Connor: “We just really felt like the Lieutenant has great upside. We want to get out and run more and he can really move in that wheelchair. He’s a scrappy competitor and he hasn’t let the loss of his legs slow him down. He can really lead us. Plus, with a special ramp, he can get enough air to dunk.”
I was talking with a couple of media folks who cover the Jazz at a recent game and most of us agreed, Okur was a pretty good pick up, Boozer is young and has a good game, Kirilenko is outstanding but needs someone to carry the load and Raja Bell is the only player on the team with any onions. In the final analysis, we all decided the only thing the Jazz needed to be a real contender again was a solid point guard and a tough as nails post player who isn’t afraid to mix it up in the paint.
Didn’t we just retire those guys?
March Madness
For the first time in my adult life, I didn’t participate in an NCAA pool. Not that I didn’t want to, just that I’m in a new office and no one here does it. Plus I was too busy to call all over the world looking for one.
For the record, my Final Four is Duke, UNC, Arizona and Louisville. USU got the shaft drawing Arizona. All the other 3 seeds are done and the Wildcats are playing great ball right now. Plus I don’t believe in Illinois (I know, one loss is hard to argue with) or Washington.
One thing I don’t miss about the office pool is the bracket hogging idiot or the clueless woman who win it every year. I’m not talking about all women being clueless when it comes to sports, I’m talking specifically about that woman down the hall who participates and picks according to who has the cutest coach or who has the neatest colors/mascots. This is her method. And she is ALWAYS in the running if not the outright winner. Drives. Me. Nuts.
Then there is the Bracket Hog this bozo is so enamored with being right and making people think he knows his stuff that he buys up 20 brackets and fills out every possible scenario ensuring that he wins the pot. Of course 75% of that pot is already his money. I used to work in a place with a Hog and one year we took his $20 and his 20 brackets and then the rest of us did our own contest separate from him. He won his $20 back, had the gall to act surprised then bragged about winning for the third year in a row. The next year we changed the rules and allowed only 1 bracket at $10 a pop.
The Circus is in Town
Okay. Let me just get this out. You don’t have to agree with me but I am sick of 2 specific events and 1 general trend.
1. I’m sick of steroids and the circus with the congressional hearings.
2. I’m sick of the John Chaney debate
3. I’m sick of the hand-wringing and tut-tutting in the media whenever events like the aforementioned happen.
Recently, our sports talking heads (a fraternity I belong to, by the way) have taken it upon themselves to be the moral police whenever something happens. I thought Joe Buck (who I like, actually) was going to go through the roof when Randy Moss did his rump shaking in Green Bay last season. Buck acted like Moss had pulled out his private parts, shook them at the crowd and yelled, “Where da white women at!?” Or better yet, like he had pulled a “Last Boy Scout Moment” and pulled a gun and shot someone while running downfield. Honestly. You are there to call the game. Shut up and do your job and we’ll make our own value judgements.
As far as steroids and Chaney go, why can’t congress hold joint hearings on both matters and grandstand and use lame clichés to their hearts content all at once?
Senator Schmoe: “Thank ya for joinin’ us coach Chaney. Now, I’m gonna step up ta the lahn and shoot some free throws here with no time on the clock. Did you instruct your “goon” to take them thar steroids before he so heinously beat the shot clock right outta that poor boy from the otha team?”
Chaney: “Coaches have sent messages as long as sports has existed. Calling my player a “goon” was truly a mistake and it was not meant as it was taken by all the pansy ass hand wringers out there who will be receiving a visit from my personal goons very soon.”
Canseco: “Mr. Senator, if I may?
Senator: “Uh, yes Mr. Can-say-co, you are on deck anyhow. Why don’t you step into tha battah’s box and take a cut at that thay-uh fastball.”
Canseco: “Thank you Senator. If I may. I know Mr. Chaney’s goons and perhaps even coach Chaney himself have, in fact, used steroids.”
Senator: “Ah see. And how do you know this suh?”
Canseco: “Because I personally injected them in a men’s room stall at an IHOP in Philadelphia. It’s all in my new book available now on Amazon.com.”
Senator: “Ah see. Mr. McGwah-ya, do you have any comment on these shockin’ allegations?”
Mark McGwire: “Sniff, no…SOB, sniff…”
Senator: “Mr. Sosa, what is yo-ah understandin’ of this sitch-ee-ation? And may I remind you that as you dive for this final out and attempt to re-tie-ah the side, that you are undah oath?”
Sosa: “Basebol has been good to me. I don’ speek dee Eenglish. I think dat I take dee special lotion for sunscreen and dee special…how you say…drops were dee vitamins. I can’t no be guilty. I no read de eenglish.”
Senator: “Ummm, hmmm. Thank ya mis-tah Sosa. Finally, Mr. Bonds…dear God man! That is one huge melon ya got they-ah!..Ah’m sorry Mr. Deathstar…er…Bonds, I dah-gress. Will you please apply the pine tah and take a cut at this he-ah meatball hangin’ over tha plate?”
Bonds: “I would sir but I’m tired. I’m hurt. The media finally got me. This is their fault. They made my family cry. They made me become best friends with my steroid supplier, Greg Anderson, and they made me apply creams and rubs. They forced me into my current situation with allegations of infidelity by introducing me to my alleged mistress. They did it by holding sharpened pencils to my head and threatening to beat me with rolled up writing tablets. Mr. Senator, I can assure you that there is nothing more intimidating than an aging, balding sportswriter with a pot belly and clothes that went out of style 15 years ago. I was forced to do what I have done and it is all their fault.”
And on, and on, and on it goes. I’m not going to talk about the right and the wrong, I’m just saying that I’m sick of the circus.
Other Random Thoughts
When will someone bury KFAN? 1280 the Zone is just murdering them and as near as I can tell, the only reason KFAN stays on the air is because they are the Jazz flagship station. How long before that changes? The only personality I can listen to longer than 5 minutes is Ian Fitzsimmons. I think he is great and if he would fit in better at 1280. Can they make a trade? Maybe Dave Fox for Fitzsimmons?
Did anyone else feel guilty for liking Bolerjack doing play-by-play for the Jazz? Hot Rod is the MAN. Make no mistake, but Boler is smooth. I think he’ll do just fine thanks, but I’ll lay 2 to 1 odds right now that I turn down the sound on the TV at least once next season and turn up the radio just to get my Hot Rod fix.
Sporting News recently ran an article on officiating and star treatment in the NBA. In it, they claimed to have “examined the evidence” and come up with no solid evidence that this was happening. WHAT?! I’ll tell you one piece of evidence they ignored: Their eyes. Star treatment by NBA refs is THE single biggest reason I barely watch the league anymore. I watched the Jazz benefit from star treatment for 19 years now I am watching them without it. If you say it doesn’t exist, you must be working for the league.
Well that about does it gang. We’ll see you next time in Knuteville.
GO AGGIES!
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