The new fall TV season has been unfolding before our eyes for the past few weeks and while Mrs. Lombardi is all a-twitter with the glut of new reality shows like, "My Big, Fat, Makeover-Wife-Swap-Home Improvement-Eating Bugs-For-Money-Challenge" and "Vacuous-Silicon-Babes-Attempting-to-Hook-Up-in-Hopes-of-Landing-a-Show-Biz-Career-That-Doesn't-Include-Late-Night-Cinemax-Movies", I am less impressed.
I'm happy that NYPD Blue is back and I'm hoping to see new episodes of The Chapelle Show real soon, but other than that, the best thing about the fall TV lineup is that FOOTBALL IS INCLUDED. I can now watch a game nearly every night of the week and all day and night on Saturday and Sunday. If, somehow, Mrs. Lombardi (bless her, love her, squeeze her) could turn into Princess Leia in in the gold bikini in Jabba's palace, do some well timed jumping up and down and bring me drinks and snacks all during the game, I would literally think I had died and gone to heaven. Alas, I will settle for what I have and remind myself that there are many souls out there who don't have cable and don't get the chance to overdose on pigskin every week.
But one new show that has my attention is "Lost" on ABC. It's the story of a bunch of plane crash survivors who are stranded on a mysterious deserted island that seems to be home to some strange…and HUGE..creatures. Each survivor has a past and some have deep, dark secrets. It's kind of like Brady Bunch meets Survivor meets X-Files meets Jurassic Park. I keep wondering how long the premise will last but so far it has sucked me in and I keep watching. So why am I bringing this up? Because I was wondering what would happen if the Good Ship State of Utah D1 football crashed into a deserted island. What would the dynamics be of those who survived?
I see it like this...
Quag Meyer jumps out of the airplane and immediately gets to work along with his staff taking fabric and tarps and making water catching basins and fish nets. They also begin building shelters and going through the wreckage and salvaging anything they can find that may be of use. They come up with ingenious ways to use common items and soon are rushing away from the island in a fully functional power boat. However, when they reach Big Cocky Ships (Get it? BCS? It's an allegory folks, stay with me.) harbor, they are told they can't dock because they aren't one of the big boys and that their boat isn't good enough. This infuriates Quag and he directs his ship to fire all coconut cannons at the large ships in the docks. But they scuttle back out of range and send a bunch of mid-major ships out to fight. Quag and the boys sink them all but can only shake in rage as the captains on the big ships mock them for fighting only mid-major ships. Quag's crew sail to a mid-major island, take over and bide their time and build their arsenal for an all out assault on BCS harbor. Quag paces the deck like a man possessed muttering about Commodore Trev and the Clueless Brigade and what he will do to them.
Meanwhile…
Back on the island, Gary Glitter and his crew have come out of the wreckage and they walk around in circles for a day or two. They find a life raft and head out to sea only for Gary to decide he doesn't like this particular raft. He directs the crew to head back to island so they can trade it for another one. A few hours after setting off in the new raft, Gary changes his mind and decides he likes the old raft so they go back again. This happens 12 more times before Gary decides that maybe they'd better stick with one raft. But just as he does, the raft springs a small leak, so they hop back in the other one and set of while the trainer tries to mend the raft that Gary thinks gives them the best chance to get to land. Eventually they get the other raft fixed but a few people die as they blow it up and transfer everyone and everything to it. Once in it, they discover it has a compass, oars and a small sail. Gary loves the sail and tells the crew that this will be great because now they can really "air it out". Which is fine until the wind stops. After a few days of drifting further and further off course and finally Glitter tells the crew to use the oars. They do and gain a hundred yards…er…miles in one day and soon the compass says they are back on course. But the next day Gary tells them to throw the oars in the drink because he's positive the wind will pick up soon. He's also positive the wind will blow them in the right direction so he chucks the compass as well. At this point, Bronco Madmanhall goes nuts and starts spinning wildly in a circle and hollering, "YAPS! BLAT! THWAP!!BRAAAKK!!!RAAAAHHH!!!!" and he spins away into the sunset like the Tasmanian Devil. Gary watches him go then turns back to the sail and starts rocking back and forth repeating "Any minute now…Any time…" To my knowledge the HMS Glitter is still adrift.
Meanwhile…
The Aggie coaching staff is in team meetings, safe and sound in Logan because they missed the boat.
Now it's time for TOCB!!!
Sorry about last week folks. As Senior Co-Editor in Chief rAggie, so ably put it, I was at a prognosticators conference in Wahoo Nebraska. But I did verbally give him my picks and I do have proof of that from the message board here:
UStateAgs.com:
For the record, and rAggie can confirm, TOCB picked UNLV and North Texas last week bringing the TOCB wild guess record to 15-1 on the season. But I think the streak is on the line this week and it's all because of those steenking UC-Provo Cougars.
BYU v. Wyoming
Watching last week's game vs. UNLV I was struck by a revelation and knew exactly what the Friday morning devotional was on the BYU campus. It had to be Charity and Chastity because they kept giving the ball away and repeatedly failed to score. The latter will prepare them for marriage though so all is not lost. Folks are talking about how Gary Glitter is hanging by a thread but as I said right here a few weeks ago, the little birds said Gary had a three game stretch to save his job and he just finished that stretch 1-2. The thread has been cut and Gary's mission call is in the mail folks. He'll land somewhere else but it's interesting to see his track record. He comes in and his offenses put up monster numbers for a year or two then things go south. It happened at LA Tech and it happened with the Bears. I still think this team is a dynamic running back away from being a heck of a squad, but even if they did have a stud RB who knows if Glitter would use him. Curtis Brown rushed for 102 yards on EIGHT CARRIES Friday night but The Mad Bomber elected to keep going to the air to the tune of a conference record 67 times! Still, for some reason, TOCB wants to go with Wyoming this week. The Cougars are desperate for a win and Wyoming has only played one road game this year and lost it. So, against better judgment, TOCB says it's BYU 24, Wyoming 20.
UNC @ Utah
A few years ago, if you were to read about North Carolina taking on Utah with a lot on the line, you'd assume it would be a basketball game. My how times change. Quag is calling out the pundits and I, for one, am with him. These talking heads DO NOT know what is going on outside of the so-called power conferences and they…don't…care. Most played for a "big" team in a "big" conference and most have that "big" conference bias. To hear them talk, the only big time conference in the Rockies takes place in April and October in Salt Lake City. They may be right, at least on the conference level. The Mountain West isn't anything to write home about but Utah is for real. They'll take another step toward Quag bitch-slapping Trev Alberts when they beat an ACC team (isn't that a supposed power conference?) this week big. It's Utah 41, UNC 21.
USU @ Clemson
I just don't know what to say about the Aggies. Just when you think it can't get worse, it does. I'd love to see the Aggies play BYU this year. It'd be like Armageddon with all those freaky things happening. Both teams doing their best NOT to win. Long time readers know that I don't bash the players in my columns. I know many ex-and current players and I know how hard they work and what they deal with. But I heard a few disturbing things the last two weeks out of Logan that have me scratching my head. Seems that all the bad things that have happened at USU the past 20 years are QB Travis Cox's fault. At least that is the word I get from some folks close to the situation. Rumor has it the coaching staff is saying he's not making the plays he should be making so the offense is sputtering. I find it hard to fathom how a guy with no running game and suspect line play is supposed to make plays. To be fair, it seems like this week USU coaches were going out of their way to praise Cox and I haven't had a chance to get a take from anyone on the staff but I am still hearing that mentally, Cox has really taken a beating. Last Saturday was another one of those nights for Aggie fans who watched their team play with North Texas but fall short because of mental mistakes and turnovers. Even the diehards have abandoned hope in Logan. Not much to hope for this week. Clemson feasts on beef 38-17.
That's it gang. Have a good week and,as always, I welcome comments or questions at knute@aggies.com
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