Everybody
Back to Work!
By Knute
Lombardi
Greetings
sports fans, Knute here with worthless commentary, flip remarks, mean-spirited
jabs and, if we're lucky, The Ol' Crystal Ball.
Gary
Glitter inches closer to "being released" from his current calling as
President of the Allegedly Big and Fast Guys Quorum in the BYU 1st ward,
Mick Deadasme's boys stopped doing their best Montana impression and started
playing like the Aggies of the past decade (unfortunately) and Quag Meyer's
legend continues to grow faster than the list of anti-depressants being
prescribed to Cougar fans.
Let's start
with the plight of Gary. Two years ago he inherited a team of guys put together
by the Patron Saint of the Perpetual Frown and guided them to a 12-2 record
that induced visions of BCS grandeur into the hunger addled minds of Fast
Sunday observing Cal State Provo fans everywhere. In doing so, they also piled
the points on the poor, hapless teams that stood in their path in an effort to, you know, impress the BCS folks.
A few short
months later here are the same hunger addled UCP fans bearing tearful testimony
about the oppression of the evil Idahoans who not only smote their beloved
Cougars but (GASP!) ran up the score!
Payback is
a bitch huh?
In his post
game remarks after Boise State trampled the Cougs, Gary said something along
the lines of "They (BSU) want to prove they can play with the big
boys." Well Gary, I don't know if the Broncos proved that but they sure
proved they could kick the holy hell out of a crappy team didn't they?
Meanwhile
Gary Glitter continues to blame everyone around him including the same man
whose recruits he won with 2 years ago. It's unbecoming and it's contributing
to the erosion of the BYU fan base that is almost exclusively
<NEWSFLASH!!> Mormon. The Mormons are funny folk (since I am one I
consider myself qualified to address this subject) who continue to value the
pioneer heritage of hard work and accountability (mostly). This isn't to say
other demographics don't value these traits but it is a strong undercurrent in
Mormon life and being accountable for your actions is a keystone of the
culture. With all of his finger pointing and blame deflection, Gary is alienating
even the most hardcore Zoobies because he is trampling all over what they are
trying to teach their kids about taking responsibility and having stewardship. Being the head coach at BYU
is a lot different than being Joe Schmoe in elder's quorum meetings. Lame
excuses may get you out of helping the family down the street move (although
you will still look like a self-centered schmuck) but they will not get you off
the hook for back to back losing seasons.
Stand up
and be accountable for the madness you have wrought Gary and maybe, just maybe,
the faithful will cut you a little bit of slack. Unless you string together 3
losing seasons then all bets are off.
And now
this week the it's the Holy War as the Mormons take on the Catholics in South
Bend. After watching BYU stink things up all year and witnessing Notre Dame
nearly losing to Navy, I have deduced that God is taking this football season
off. Either that or he's following TCU.
It could
also be that with all the BS in the world he has other things to think about
besides BYU's "missionary tool" and Notre Dame "football"
but that's just silly. If God didn't love football, he wouldn't have invented
pigs or scoreboards.
So, who
will win the Tidy Bowl this week? Maybe an even better question is: Who cares?
BYU has
been struggling long enough that it's not really a story anymore. They've
reached such depths that it's a bigger story when the Cougs win than when they
lose. Now they are turning into a non-entity. Oh sure, people are still having
fun piling on (yours truly for example) but now the rank and file Utah sports
fan is starting to ignore them. Even the UCP faithful are turning their back on
Gary "I'm the Personal Savior if This Program" Glitter and the team.
It's both fascinating and amusing all at the same time.
Oh yah, the
game. Umm....Notre Dame by 10 I guess. Like I said, who cares?
Meanwhile,
up the road at Taxpayer Stadium Quag Meyer is giving John Stockton a run for
his money as Utah's greatest sports icon, and this after only 10 games. Here's a guy who is the
Anti-Glitter. He demands toughness, respect and adherence to the rules and
he'll sit your ass down no matter who you are if you aren't going to get on the
bus. In short he is a football coach while BYU has turned it's program over to
some Nintendo Techmo Bowl junkie.
Glitter's
young players are screwing everything up, or so he'd have you believe, but
Quag's Sophomore QB is tearing up the Conference and there aren't a whole lot
of seniors on the squad. In fact 8 of 11 offensive starters last week were
underclassmen and 7 of 11 defensive starters are coming back next year. The eighth is stud lineman Jason Kaufusi
who missed this year with an injury. Plus, these aren't Quag's guys, they're
Mac's. It's an interesting study in contrasts.
Now the
Utes get to take on a surging Wyoming team with full knowledge that two more
wins means their first ever outright MWC title. Perfect formula for a Ute El
Foldo Special. Won't happen. The Utes show the 'Pokes that there's a new
sheriff in town with a 31-17 win.
As for the
Aggies, they were finally doing what their faithful had hoped for and not just
beating similar or perceived "lesser" competition, but blowing them
away. Dave Kotulski has the defense ranked in the top 50 and they pitched a
shut out for 9 straight quarters until Mick let the color guard play in the
fourth quarter against Middle Tennessee. On top of that, the offense seemed to
have suddenly found it's stride and much of that has to do with the fact that
QB Travis Cox is finally getting some time to throw the ball. Amazingly,
quarterbacks play much better when they aren't getting a close look at the
turf. Add that to a running game that has been steady all season and suddenly
the Aggies were scoring like crazy.
Then they
went on the road where they have won 4 games in 20 plus tries.
Not only
that, Rain Man was obviously missing Wapner. Who's Rain Man? Rain Man is my new
moniker for USU Offensive Coordinator Bob Cole. See, I'm convinced the guy is a
retarded genius. Sometimes the genius comes to the forefront and his offense
rolls. At other times we see the retarded side and we wonder if Wapner is on or
something because he doesn't seem to be watching the same game everyone else
is.
Mick:
"Bob, Travis needs the play Bob. Bob?"
Rain Man:
"Wapner. Definitely Wapner. Gotta watch him."
MD:
"Bob, you can't wander off in the middle of the game like that, now come
on! There are only 15 seconds on the play clock what is the play?"
RM: "I
like waffles."
MD:
"BOBBY! Stay with me Bob! The play! What is the play!"
RM:
"Throw deep."
MD:
"Throw deep? You think we should throw deep? We've tried that 26 times now
and each time the corner has good coverage. Are you sure?"
RM:
"Definitely deep. Throw deep. Corner could forget to cover this time.
Throw deep."
MD:
"Okay. Travis! Throw deep!"
RM:
"Wait, maybe flanker screen. Yep. Flanker screen, lose 2 yards then
throw deep on third and long to pad the passing stats. Definitely flanker
screen. Where's Wapner?"
MD:
"Flanker...? Ah, hell a delay of game penalty. Bob!"
RM:
"Draw play. Fourth and inches...definitely draw play. Big Blue. I see Big
Blue. He likes bacon. More motion. Gotta run more motion. Send Big Blue in
motion."
And so it
went last Thursday as the Aggies and their simplified playbook (Draw, Counter,
Throw Deep, repeat) had a hard time finding the end zone and the rejuvenated
defense couldn't come up with a stop. Oh, and did I mention the special teams
and the stellar kicking game? Poor Hamblin. He has to have all the confidence
of 75 year old Porn star Fred "Floppy" Jones before the Viagra kicks
in.
So now it
is back home to face the Fighting Prophylactics of Troy State. Home has been
kind to the Aggies. They've averaged 34.3 per game at Romney while only giving
up 19.5 (48 of the 78 points the D has surrendered at home came in one game vs.
a resurgent Wyoming team). So, do the Thundering Condoms charge into Logan and
wilt under an onslaught of northern Utah weather, a tough defense and an
offensive game plan devised by the genius side of Rain Man? Or do the Rampaging
Rubbers come in and shut down the Ags (the Troy State D is 46th in the nation),
take advantage of shoddy special teams and come out winners?
It's Senior
Day, the Aggies
were embarrassed last Thursday and I'd like to think that they are going to
have the toughness to respond at home and win 28-20.
That's all
for this week gang. As always, if you want to drop me a line feel free to do so
at: Knute@aggies.com